As we have launched our Formation Framework, essentially the discipleship pathway for Reservoir, we have been giving thought of how best to guide the formational friendships. These are the same-gender groups of two or three that meet regularly for confession and encouragement. The truth is we all come to the table with some preconceived notion or experience with DNA, accountability, iron-sharpening, or similar groups. So we wonder, is that what these are? Yes and no.
The key to Reservoir formational friendships is the ongoing gospel reminder we give to each other. In opposition to merely recounting sin in these types of groups, B.J. Stockman once wrote:
“Maybe this is a bit of an overstatement against accountability groups, but the point is that often accountability groups turn into focusing on sin rather than experiencing the gospel of grace. You don't just want a group that kills, but gospel-driven community that gives life. Men's groups I've been apart of in the past tend to focus more on the experiences of failure the week before not the event of God's grace in the death and resurrection of Christ 2,000 years ago.
Don't get me wrong: Christian relationships should engage in confession of sin (James 5:16), but they are also meant for encouragement in grace (1 Thessalonians 5:14).”
Without a doubt, we don’t quit confession, but we strive for grace-encouragement! Steady reminder of who we are in Christ, and living from His finished work as the place we will find our thriving.
To that end, our weekly conversation might include a quick check-in, hearing how work and family life are going. Then we could move into some targeted, agreed upon questions to spur us toward formation.
An adaptation of John Wesley’s formation questions might be helpful.
Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
Do I confidentially pass onto another what was told me in confidence?
Am I a slave to dress, friends, work , or habits?
Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
Did the Bible live in me today?
Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?
Am I enjoying prayer?
When did I last speak to someone about my faith?
Do I pray about the money I spend?
Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
Do I disobey God in anything?
Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
Am I defeated in any part of my life?
Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
How do I spend my spare time?
Am I proud?
Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican?
Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it?
Do I grumble and complain constantly?
Is Christ real to me?
Answering these questions could certainly lead us into areas we need to say more about, think more about, and pray more about. Our friend can also help us think through a plan of action to continue on, or come before the Lord in repentance and move in a different direction.
We might also share Scripture that the Spirit has been using to encourage us lately and spend time praying for each other.
The key is that as friends, we start meeting, and commit to each other, commit to each other’s formation, and commit to speaking the gospel to each other come what may.
Do you have a formational friend? Why not ask someone to meet more intentionally in the New Year?
More resources on being a formational friend:
“What Makes a Good Accountability Partner?” By Erik Raymond on The Gospel Coaliton
Jonathan Dodson on Gospel-Accountability (also rebranded into a book about “fight clubs”)
Video on “Gospel-Centered Discipleship”
John Wesley’s 22 Questions
What Should Christian Accountability (Really) Look Like? from the SOLA Network
